27 Sarcastic Jokes for Adults
Sarcastic jokes for adults: dry, deadpan and perfect for anyone who rolls their eyes for a living.
For the people who say “Oh, great” and mean the exact opposite. These sarcastic jokes are dry, witty and safe for work, as long as your boss has a sense of humor. Big if.
More specific lists
Sarcastic jokes about tech and customer service (8)
Chatbots, phone trees and self-checkouts that are definitely here to help.
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The delivery app sent a photo proving my package had arrived.
Lovely porch. Not mine, but lovely.
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I love the self-checkout lane.
Unpaid job, zero training, and a boss who screams “unexpected item.”
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I unsubscribed from their emails.
They emailed me to confirm I’d never hear from them again.
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The chatbot cheerfully said, “I’m here to help!”
Then it sent me a link to the page I was already on.
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My phone’s face recognition doesn’t recognize me before 9 a.m.
Honestly? Neither do I.
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The automated phone system asked me to describe my problem in a few words.
I said, “Your automated phone system.” It didn’t understand.
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“Your call may be recorded for quality purposes.”
Great. Somewhere there’s a recording of me losing my mind.
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My GPS said, “In 500 feet, turn left.”
Bold of it to assume I know what 500 feet looks like.
Sarcastic jokes about people (11)
For the “quick question” emailers, the “calm down” crowd and Greg’s 47 tabs.
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Someone in every video call asks, “Can everyone see my screen?”
Yes, Greg. And all 47 of your open tabs.
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I love it when people say, “Calm down.”
It has worked on nobody in recorded history.
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My neighbor asked, “Hot enough for you?”
No, I’m holding out for the surface of the sun.
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People love to tell me they’re “brutally honest.”
Weird how they’re always more excited about the brutal part.
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My friend texted, “I’m five minutes away!”
Which is friend for “I’m getting out of the shower.”
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I sent a long, thoughtful text and got back “k.”
Thank you for that warm, novel-length response.
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I’m not sarcastic.
I’m just extremely honest in a tone you don’t enjoy.
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I love when an email starts with “Quick question.”
It is never quick, and it is never one question.
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I’m not a pessimist.
I’m an optimist who actually read the fine print.
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My neighbor fired up his leaf blower at 7 a.m.
Nothing says “good morning” like a jet engine aimed at three leaves.
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The cashier told me to have a nice day.
Sorry, I’ve already made other plans.
Sarcastic jokes about adulting (8)
Laundry, dinner decisions and gym memberships: the chores that never stop coming.
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My fitness tracker says I walked 12,000 steps today.
Eleven thousand of them were looking for my phone.
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Every night I have to decide what to make for dinner.
I did this yesterday. Who designed this system?
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I joined a gym in January.
I’ve been incredibly consistent about paying for it.
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The repair video said the whole job takes ten minutes.
Day three. The guy in the video is a liar.
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I finally finished all the laundry.
Then I made the rookie mistake of wearing clothes.
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This week’s grown-up achievement: I called a company on the actual phone.
I’ll be accepting my parade at noon.
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This morning I tried turning my brain off and on again.
It only did the “off” part.
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The assembly instructions said “easy to assemble.”
I have four leftover screws and serious trust issues.