23 Funny Fishing Jokes
Fishing jokes for adults: fish stories, the one that got away and a tackle box worth more than the boat.
Fishing is the only hobby where coming home empty-handed still counts as a great day, and the fish gets bigger every time you tell the story. These fishing jokes are for anglers, their buddies and the spouses who hear about it.
Fish story and fishing buddy jokes (10)
The one that got away keeps growing, and the secret spot is behind Walmart.
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Skunked again, Dale asked the guy at the fish counter to toss him four trout so he could honestly say he caught them.
“Better make it salmon. Your wife came by and said you’d want salmon.”
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Ernie drills his first hole in the ice, and a voice booms from above: “There are no fish under there.”
“This is the manager of the hockey rink.”
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Uncle Ray held his hands about a foot apart and said, “I swear on my mother, this is no lie.”
“That’s the distance between its eyes.”
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My buddy finally agreed to show me his secret fishing spot. I had to wear a blindfold for the whole drive.
It’s the drainage pond behind Walmart.
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I called in sick Friday and did my best weak, raspy voice for my boss.
Then a bass jumped, and I yelled, “Get the net!”
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Our new spot was so good, I told my buddy to mark it. So he painted a big X on the side of the boat.
I said, “Genius. What if we don’t get the same boat next time?”
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My brother-in-law made the biggest catch of our whole trip.
My hat. Right off my head. On his very first cast.
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I tell everyone I practice strict catch-and-release.
I’ve perfected the release. Still working on the catch.
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I’ve fished this lake for twenty years, and the bait shop guy always tells me the same thing.
“You should’ve been here yesterday.” Twenty years. I have never once been here yesterday.
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The bass Uncle Lou lost in 1987 was maybe three pounds.
Thirty-nine Thanksgivings later, it’s bigger than his boat.
Fishing and marriage jokes (5)
For the angler explaining to his wife why he needs fourteen rods.
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My wife went through the receipts from our guys’ fishing weekend. Bait: $8. Beer: $240.
She only had questions about the bait.
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My wife asked why I need fourteen fishing rods. I explained that each one has a different purpose.
She asked which one was for catching fish.
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My wife guided me down the boat ramp using hand signals.
Twenty-six years of marriage, and I learned three new ones.
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My wife says I love fishing more than I love her.
That hurt. We’ve been married twenty-two seasons.
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When we got married, my wife promised she’d cook anything I caught.
Twenty years later, we order a lot of pizza.
Fishing gear, boat and bait shop jokes (8)
A $900 fish finder, a $4,800-a-pound dinner and a very fancy hat.
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I spent $900 on a fish finder for the boat.
Now I know exactly where the fish are ignoring me.
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I added up the boat, gas, gear and license, then divided by every fish I caught this year.
Tonight’s dinner cost $4,800 a pound.
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I bought a $19 bottle of scent that fish “just can’t resist.”
The fish resisted. The neighbor’s dog did not.
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My tackle box is now worth more than my truck.
So I lock the tackle box and leave the truck open.
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I switched from regular fishing to fly fishing.
Same zero fish. Ten times the cost. Much better hat.
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My new cooler holds forty-eight cans of beer and six large fish.
We’ve never actually tested the fish part.
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My favorite bait shop sells nightcrawlers and egg salad sandwiches out of the same cooler.
Good bait, decent sandwiches. Some days I’m not sure which I bought.
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We don’t have a TV at the lake cabin.
We just sit by the boat ramp on Saturday mornings.