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47 Dad Jokes for Work

Office-safe dad jokes for meetings, Slack and the break room.

Nothing breaks the ice like a joke that makes the whole team groan at once. These dad jokes are office-safe and guaranteed to get an eye roll.

See all 48 dad jokes

Groan-worthy wordplay (21)

Puns so bad your coworkers will have to groan.

  1. Some jerk broke into my house and stole my thesaurus.

    I’m speechless. Stunned. Flabbergasted. Dumbfounded. Lost for words.

  2. I just finished writing a book on reverse psychology.

    Whatever you do, don’t buy it.

  3. I was going to tell you a great joke about time travel.

    But you didn’t like it.

  4. Someone stole my mood ring right off my finger.

    I’m still not sure how I feel about it.

  5. I’m pretty proud of myself. I just invented a brand-new word.

    Plagiarism.

  6. I can’t stand Russian nesting dolls.

    They’re so full of themselves.

  7. I ordered a chicken and an egg online.

    I’ll let you know which comes first.

  8. I used to run a dating service for chickens.

    But I just couldn’t make hens meet.

  9. I asked my gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He asked, “How flexible are you?”

    I said, “Well, I can’t do Tuesdays.”

  10. Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other.

    “Do you have any idea how to drive this thing?”

  11. I went to the library and asked if they had any books on paranoia.

    The librarian leaned in and whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

  12. I asked my dog what two minus two is.

    He said nothing.

  13. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

    Because the P is silent.

  14. My kids asked me how you can tell when a regular joke has officially become a dad joke.

    When it’s fully apparent.

  15. Whenever I’m down, my buddy says, “Cheer up. It could be worse. You could be stuck in a hole full of water.”

    I know he means well.

  16. I opened my wardrobe this morning and found a full-grown lion inside. I asked what he was doing in there.

    He said, “Narnia business.”

  17. Ever wonder why seagulls only fly over the sea?

    If they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

  18. I have a crippling fear of negative numbers.

    I will stop at nothing to avoid them.

  19. The man who invented the knock-knock joke finally got the recognition he deserved.

    They gave him the No-bell Prize.

  20. People ask how I stay so positive every single morning.

    Honestly, the rotation of the Earth really makes my day.

  21. My buddy said he cracked Forrest Gump’s computer password on the first try.

    It was 1Forrest1.

Job and office puns (12)

Pun-heavy one-liners about jobs, lawsuits and everyday objects.

  1. I got let go from the keyboard factory.

    Apparently I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

  2. I used to work at a can-crushing plant.

    It was soda pressing.

  3. I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.

    I lost my case.

  4. I told my contractor I didn’t want carpet on the stairs.

    He gave me a blank stare.

  5. I’m writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes.

    It’s only a rough draft.

  6. I’ve started a campaign to get more people eating dried grapes.

    It’s all about raisin awareness.

  7. Someone glued every card in my poker deck together.

    I don’t know how to deal with it.

  8. I gave away all my old dead batteries today.

    Free of charge.

  9. I spent all morning trying to catch the fog rolling in.

    Mist.

  10. I’d tell you a joke about chemistry, but I won’t.

    All the good ones argon.

  11. Somebody finally complimented my parking downtown. They even left a little note tucked under my windshield wiper.

    It said, “Parking Fine.”

  12. Three weeks ago I ordered a book online called How to Scam People on the Internet.

    It still hasn’t arrived.

Classic setups, dad-style (14)

Walk-into-a-bar classics and literal-minded comebacks.

  1. A guy walks into a bar dragging a set of jumper cables.

    Bartender says, “Fine, you can stay. Just don’t start anything.”

  2. I told my wife I was building a car entirely out of spaghetti.

    You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

  3. My wife asked me to please stop doing my flamingo impression.

    So I had to put my foot down.

  4. My wife says I have absolutely no sense of direction.

    So I packed my bags and right.

  5. A state trooper pulled me over, walked up to my window and said, “Papers.”

    I said, “Scissors! I win!”

  6. The diner’s sign said, “Breakfast Served Any Time.”

    So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

  7. People always ask me if I play golf in the 70s.

    Of course. Any hotter than that and I stay home.

  8. A ham sandwich strolls into a bar and orders a beer.

    Bartender says, “Sorry, pal. We don’t serve food here.”

  9. Interviewer: “Describe yourself in three words.”

    Me: “Lazy.”

  10. Somebody stole every single toilet out of the downtown police station last night.

    Detectives say they have absolutely nothing to go on.

  11. My brother-in-law swears he’s a real magician. Yesterday he proved it. He was walking down our street…

    …and he turned into a driveway.

  12. Two wind turbines are standing in a field. One asks the other what kind of music he’s into.

    “I’m a big metal fan.”

  13. A cheese factory blew up in the French countryside last night.

    Nothing left but de brie.

  14. I tried to organize a national hide-and-seek tournament.

    Had to cancel. Good players are really hard to find.

See all 48 dad jokes

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