16 Funny Food Jokes for Adults
Food jokes for adults: diets, cooking disasters, leftovers and the buffet.
Food is love, fuel and the reason the diet starts on Monday. Every Monday. These food jokes cover cooking, eating out and the midnight snack you swore you wouldn’t have.
Restaurant and takeout jokes (5)
Spicy wings, long specials lists and a soda that comes with a lifeguard.
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The waiter promised the wings were “only a little spicy.”
Three bites in, I could hear colors.
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I ordered a small soda at the movie theater.
It came with a lifeguard.
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I ordered Chinese takeout for one.
They packed four sets of chopsticks. Even the restaurant doesn’t believe me.
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The waiter told me my chicken was named Henrietta and lived a happy life on a farm.
I came here for dinner, not a eulogy.
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I made the mistake of asking the waiter about tonight’s specials.
Twelve minutes later, I ordered the chicken fingers.
Home cooking and kitchen jokes (6)
Recipes with life stories attached, and avocados ripe for exactly eleven minutes.
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I bought a rotisserie chicken for dinner tonight.
It didn’t survive the parking lot.
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At our house, we say grace before every meal.
When I cook, we say it again afterward.
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I looked up a lasagna recipe online.
Twelve paragraphs in, I know all about her divorce. Still no lasagna.
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Every office potluck has one dish nobody touches.
It’s mine. I bring it every year.
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My husband cooked dinner. It was awful, but I told him it was delicious.
Rookie mistake. Now he cooks every Thursday.
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I bought avocados on Monday. Hard as golf balls.
They were perfect for eleven minutes on Thursday. I was at work.
Diet and healthy eating jokes (5)
Juice cleanses, kale smoothies and fasting from dinner all the way to second dinner.
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I meal-prepped five identical chicken-and-rice lunches on Sunday.
By Wednesday, I was cheating on them with a burrito.
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I did a three-day juice cleanse. Day one, I lost two pounds.
Day two, I lost my temper. Day three, I lost to a pizza.
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I tried intermittent fasting.
I made it all the way from dinner to second dinner.
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My new diet rule: I only eat when I’m hungry.
Or bored. Or sad. Or awake.
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I finally tried a kale smoothie.
Now I know what the bag on a lawn mower tastes like.