50 Clean Jokes for Work
Office-safe jokes for meetings, the team chat and the break room.
Every joke here passed one test: you could tell it in a meeting without HR scheduling a follow-up. Funny enough for grown-ups, clean enough for the whole team.
Office life (23)
Lunch thieves, endless meetings and office birthday cakes everyone at work will recognize.
-
Someone kept stealing my lunch from the office fridge, so I labeled today’s bag “Spinach Salad.”
It’s a cheeseburger. Nobody’s touched it.
-
The meeting was scheduled for 15 minutes.
We’re in hour two, and someone just said, “Quick question.”
-
Someone in every video call asks, “Can everyone see my screen?”
Yes, Greg. And all 47 of your open tabs.
-
I love when an email starts with “Quick question.”
It is never quick, and it is never one question.
-
My boss finally figured out Zoom filters.
We’ve now had three budget meetings with a talking potato.
-
Nothing ruins a Friday at work faster
than realizing it’s Tuesday.
-
My boss said, “You’ve been late three times this week. Do you know what that means?”
“That it’s Wednesday?”
-
I told my boss I need a raise. Three companies are after me.
Electric, gas and phone.
-
I called IT because my computer was dead. They asked, “Is it plugged in?”
I said, “Of course,” and then quietly plugged it in.
-
They say you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have.
Now I’m in HR explaining why I came in dressed as Batman.
-
Kevin came to the office Halloween party dressed as a “Reply All” email.
Grown adults ran screaming.
-
Someone at work passed around a birthday card for Steve.
I wrote “Happy birthday, buddy!” and then went to find out who Steve is.
-
I drew Gary from accounting for Secret Santa.
We’ve sat side by side for nine years. I know nothing about Gary.
-
Our office has a birthday cake in the break room almost every week.
Nobody likes each other. We just really like cake.
-
Every office in America sings “Happy Birthday” the exact same way.
Like hostages reading a prepared statement.
-
Every office potluck has one dish nobody touches.
It’s mine. I bring it every year.
-
HR wants to know who threw out everything in the office fridge.
Apparently one of those containers had seniority.
-
My dog sleeps all day, but the second I join a video call for work, he starts barking.
Perfect attendance. Never once on mute.
-
My boss reminded me, “There’s no ‘I’ in team.”
I pointed out there’s a “me” if you rearrange it.
-
Every year, I enter the office costume contest dressed as Employee of the Month.
And every year, someone asks what I’m supposed to be.
-
My computer froze all morning, so I finally called IT.
The guy just stood behind me, and it started working out of fear.
-
I set up an out-of-office reply before my vacation.
It handled things so well, my boss wants to promote it.
-
Our office rule: whoever takes the last cup of coffee makes a fresh pot.
So nobody takes the last cup. They take 95% of it and run.
Tech, errands and everyday hassles (17)
Printers, passwords, the DMV and other shared frustrations that play well in any break room.
-
I asked my smart speaker to tell me something funny.
It read me my bank balance.
-
My printer worked perfectly for months.
Then I needed to print one thing. Printers can smell fear.
-
The website said my password needed at least eight characters and one capital.
So now it’s “SnowWhiteAndTheSevenDwarfsSacramento.”
-
At the airport, I asked the agent to send one bag to Denver and the other to Miami.
She said they couldn’t do that. I said, “You did last week.”
-
I took a number at the DMV. The screen said “Now serving 14.” I was 702.
By the time they called me, I’d moved to another state.
-
Signing up for the streaming service took one click.
Canceling took a phone call, three surveys, and a notarized letter.
-
The hotel proudly advertised free Wi-Fi.
For $14.99 more, it connects to the internet.
-
The automated phone system asked me to describe my problem in a few words.
I said, “Your automated phone system.” It didn’t understand.
-
The chatbot cheerfully said, “I’m here to help!”
Then it sent me a link to the page I was already on.
-
Autocorrect keeps changing my “On my way!” texts to “On my waffle!”
My friends have started showing up with syrup.
-
I read 400 online reviews before buying a $9 spatula.
I put less research into buying my house.
-
I’m not saying I order too much online.
But my delivery driver just invited me to his wedding.
-
I unsubscribed from their emails.
They emailed me to confirm I’d never hear from them again.
-
The cable company gave me a service window of 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
That’s not a window. That’s a wall.
-
The website said my new password can’t be the same as my old password.
So you know my old password? Great. What is it?
-
A website made me click every square with a traffic light to prove I’m not a robot.
I failed three times. Now I’m honestly not sure.
-
The mattress salesman told me to lie down on every bed and really take my time.
He woke me up at closing.
Clean wordplay (10)
Quick puns and groaners that are safe for any team chat.
-
Some jerk broke into my house and stole my thesaurus.
I’m speechless. Stunned. Flabbergasted. Dumbfounded. Lost for words.
-
I just finished writing a book on reverse psychology.
Whatever you do, don’t buy it.
-
I got let go from the keyboard factory.
Apparently I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
-
Someone stole my mood ring right off my finger.
I’m still not sure how I feel about it.
-
I went to the library and asked if they had any books on paranoia.
The librarian leaned in and whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
-
I’m pretty proud of myself. I just invented a brand-new word.
Plagiarism.
-
Someone glued every card in my poker deck together.
I don’t know how to deal with it.
-
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
-
Ever wonder why seagulls only fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
-
I tried to organize a national hide-and-seek tournament.
Had to cancel. Good players are really hard to find.