25 Funny Dog Jokes
Dog jokes for dog lovers: walks, the vet, the couch and who really runs the house.
Dogs bark at nothing, steal your spot on the couch and still make you feel like the best person alive. These dog jokes are for everyone who has ever been walked by their dog.
More specific lists
Funny dog behavior jokes (13)
Hero welcomes after taking out the trash, and a sworn feud with the mailman.
-
I came home to garbage all over the kitchen, and my dog immediately turned and stared at the cat.
We don’t have a cat.
-
My dog greets me at the door like I’ve been away at sea for three years.
I took out the trash.
-
A doorbell rang on a TV show last night, and my dog went absolutely berserk.
He’s been protecting us from sitcom characters for six years.
-
My dog sleeps all day, but the second I join a video call for work, he starts barking.
Perfect attendance. Never once on mute.
-
My husband and my dog both snore like freight trains.
Only one gets sent to the couch, and it’s not the dog.
-
My dog has been staring at me, unblinking, for a solid hour.
Either it’s true love, or it’s 4:59 and dinner’s at five.
-
My dog sleeps through thunder, fireworks and the smoke alarm.
Unwrap one cheese slice and he teleports into the kitchen.
-
My dog is convinced he’s a lap dog.
He’s 90 pounds. I haven’t felt my legs since March.
-
My dog loves riding with his head out the car window.
He’s the only one in the family who enjoys my driving.
-
My dog has barked at the mailman every day for six years.
He’s convinced it’s the only reason the guy keeps leaving.
-
Call a dog, and he comes running.
Call a cat, and it sends you straight to voicemail.
-
They say dogs have owners.
Cats have employees, and the benefits are terrible.
-
People always ask if my dog is a rescue.
Sure. He rescues sandwiches off the kitchen counter.
Dog training and house rules jokes (6)
The no-dogs-on-the-furniture rule, and how long it lasted.
-
When we brought the dog home, we set one firm rule: no dogs on the furniture.
He’s been very gracious about letting us sit on his.
-
My dog and I spent six weeks in obedience school.
The trainer pulled me aside: “The dog’s fine. It’s you.”
-
Four years of training, and my dog still can’t learn “stay.”
But he spots the turn to the vet from three miles away.
-
I took my dog to the dog park so he could make some friends.
He made five. I held a warm bag and discussed the weather.
-
We installed a doggy door so the dog could let himself out.
Great news: the raccoon can let himself in, too.
-
My dog knows sit, shake, lie down and roll over.
He just refuses to work for free.
Dog food and vet jokes (6)
Free puppies, floor scraps and a dog who ate the TV remote.
-
The sign in the neighbor’s yard said “Free Puppies.”
That was $11,000 in vet bills and chewed furniture ago.
-
The vet said my dog has to stop eating table scraps.
So now he eats floor scraps. I’ve become remarkably clumsy.
-
My dog chewed up my entire tax return.
He’s the first one in this house to get anything out of it.
-
My dog turns up his nose at $60 grain-free salmon kibble.
Then eats a napkin he found in a parking lot.
-
The vet asked if my dog had eaten anything unusual lately.
I said, “Compared to what? Yesterday he ate a remote.”
-
The vet said my dog needs to lose ten pounds.
I said, “Join the club,” and we both had a treat.